Dear Thirteen: Is it wrong to want love?
Ok confession time… In my 23 years of life I have never been in a committed relationship.
There was that one fling in college that ended in about a month. Then there was the year-long situationship (yikes). And last October I had a one off date that ended with me ghosting a guy because he hugged me weird. But other than that…23 years and a whole lot of nothing
Spooky I know.
The current 2025 dating pool has actual piss in it. Every guy on every app is figuring out their dating goal or looking for short term fun. Whatever the hell that means. I feel like there are no good options out there and the good options I have seen…well I’m not so sure they see me.
Don’t get me wrong, I think I’m hot shit. I’m pretty, well educated, and talented. I think I’m the whole package. So why am I still single?
This is a question I am often asking, much to the dismay of those around me.
Now I don’t think I bring it up a lot. I could definitely bring it up less but…I also could be worse. I could be the kind of girl that sobs at parties about how lonely she is, or I could resign myself to being a hermit forever. Instead I force my sisters to listen to my theories about why I go to bed alone every night.
Now I have no answers for that question. In my personal opinion anyone that doesn’t want me is living in delusion but here's my point. Why do we demonize women for wanting love?
Anytime I bring up feeling lonely or wanting to have a partner I get told the same thing:
Just wait on it Jai
Me when people say love will come when I least expect it.
Love will come when you least expect it Jai
You have to love yourself first Jai
When the time is right it’ll happen for you Jai
And let me say this, if someone says any of these phrases to me again when I’m expressing my desire to feel love…You’ll get a ten second head start and then I’m sicking my dogs on you.
You would NEVER tell a homeless person that they just want a home badly. You wouldn’t suggest that someone starving just needs to feel full first. When someone gets fired you don’t tell them that the time just wasn’t right.
So why do we tell young women these things about love? Human beings were made for connection. We are literally designed to be in community with one another. Yet whenever a girl starts to feel the slightest bit lonely, we send her to the guillotine.
It’s as if wanting to feel loved and desired is dirty…It’s a secret that must be kept at all times. No one can ever know that you want another person in your bed or that you want to make dinner for two. That kind of yearning is not allowed.
I call bullshit.
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO WANT LOVE! I don’t buy that if I just suck it up and take my loneliness in solitude people will want me more. There is no world in which me being quiet about my desires means I get them faster. I want to be loved, loudly! And I am going to share that desire loudly!
Because guess what world:
I WANNA BE IN LOVE
