Dear Thirteen: We’re Leaving the Classroom

Yes, you did read that correctly. This August, for the first time in my life, I won’t be in a classroom on the first day of school.

Which is weird because in the last post I wrote about how much I love teaching. How I long for the classroom. And now I’m leaving it. In just a few short weeks my name will not be synonymous with a classroom. I won’t be able to relate to Abbot Elementary. I will no longer be a cool girl that teaches. 

Which makes me so sad. 

I loved being a teacher. Even on the hard days. On the sad days. On the days when everything feels scary and impossible. I loved it. It meant so much to me. I have dedicated so much of my life to this craft. 

Early mornings at my mom’s school

It all started with my mom (a career educator) who kept me around classrooms from an early age. When I was sick as a kid, I would get cozy under her desk and listen to her teach. When I got older I would rush to her classroom after the bell and play with the kids in her afterschool club. And after I switched high-schools, the only way I would make it to my new school on time was to go to work with her early in the morning. We had to be in the building by 6:00 a.m. so I had plenty of time to fall in love with school. I would help the kids with their homework and get teachers copies off the printer. Or (more often than not) fall asleep at the cafeteria table. Then in college, I traveled all over the country fighting for teachers. I was so sleep deprived going from speaking on the news, to a magazine shoot, to student teaching. Just trying to make education better for people. Trying to make a difference. And now, for the last 3 years I have loved my kids, my colleagues, and baby teachers as best as I can. Classrooms have always been my second home. They brought me peace. They’re where I thought I belonged. 

But this year things changed. Class sizes got bigger, kids got meaner, expectations got higher. Suddenly what I spent my childhood dreaming of, became a nightmare. I haven’t slept soundly in months. I find myself weeping constantly. Things are different. Things are hard.

So I’m taking a break. I’m stepping away to focus on another passion of mine; ministry and youth outreach. And while I will write about my next steps soon, I want to spend this post feeling sad about the end of this chapter. 

Because this choice wrecked me. I’m crying again now writing this. But I know I needed to give myself room to breathe. The way I was going wasn’t sustainable or healthy. And there are plenty of things I won’t miss about the classroom. But that doesn’t make this any less sad. 

Because I’ll miss dressing up as the Lorax every March and an old woman every February. I know that I’ll long for tiny hugs and holding hands in the hallway. And the idea of saying goodbye to love notes and portraits where I have no hair makes me feel sick. I’ll miss so much of the classroom. I’ll miss the person I am when I’m teaching. So much of me has been forged by my experiences around teachers that it’s hard to believe I won’t be one anymore… But I’m ready for a change. I’m ready to do what I always ask my kids to do.

I’m ready to take a risk. 

If you’re one of the many teacher friends I’ve gained over the years, or if you’re a baby teacher that is horrified by the classroom, I am begging you: don’t take this as a sign. This year was hard for me but I’m leaving for more reasons than that. This decision was a long time coming and I will still have a lot of face time with students in my next career. I know times are hard but the kids really do need you. So if and when you feel scared and confused, just know that I see you. I am still one of you. I’m always here to talk. 

All in all, teaching is still my first love. And there is not a second where I regret what I did for that love. The love I feel has changed, it’s been made different by a number of experiences both good and bad, but my God… That love will never be gone. I will carry it with me in my next steps. 

Oh how I’ll miss hearing Ms.Bridgeforth. And maybe one day I’ll find my way back to it. I’ll find the magic again and be the cool girl that teaches. Maybe one day I’ll be back to being Ms.Frizzle. But until then… I won’t forget what I did for love.

So heres one last school picture.

Wish me luck <3